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Showing posts from October, 2003

Why I have to escape sometimes

I have an confession to make...I hate being at home. I'll do whatever is needed not be be there. It's not like I totally hate my family or anything, it's just that well, the house is too small and confined.

Here's the thing. The house I live in was not built to house more than a family of three-maybe four at the most. At the most, there is about six people currently living there. Needless to say, the good times never end at my house.I like my house;it has character.

I guess the reason why I stay way from home so much is because I like being out doing stuff even if the stuff in question is lounging around and reading a book.I mean it's not like I've completely moved out.Nope, my clothes are still there and my mail still goes there.My house is just a boring place to be.

Am I not good enough to marry?

I love my boyfriend. I love him to death. The only problem is that he does want to commit. Or rather, he's commited to me but not really commited to me. What do I mean? Well, I'll explain.

Den and I have been dating for five years now exclusively and yet, he won't propose. Hell, he won't even talk about our future together.When I question him about why he won't propose, he gives me one of the following lovely responses:

1. It's not on his list of goals.
2. I can't force him to do anything until he's good and ready cause he's a man and men make their own decisions.
3. Why ruin what we have now by doing something crazy like get married ?
4. We go on trips and I buy you stuff, isn't that enough?
5. Why are you being so materialistic? (when I ask about getting an engagement ring)

Friends say I should leave him because he's never gonna take the plunge and marry me, that he'll just keep messing with my head forever.I love him a lot but …

Why do I always have to be "the good girl?"

I went to church today and it was a combination of homecoming and the church anniversary. Anywho, my brother and cousin(both who have totally severed ties with the church)show up and it's like God and Jesus came down for a visit. Now I know what you're thinking...girl, you sound bitter. Well, I'm not okay...not really...okay, maybe...a little bit.

My whole thing is how can you commend someone when they have walked away from you and made no effort to come back? My mom told me that the whole reason everyone was behaving like that was because they missed them. Whatever! I think it just really made me ill how everyone came up and hugged them and adored them. (Excuse me while I lie down for a minute;all the sweetness sent me into sugar shock.)

Okay-I'm back.

So, at the end of the day, what did I learn? That if you go away, you will recieve a hero's welcome and if you're lucky, the big piece of chicken and an extra piece of pie.That is unless, you're like me a…
I ran into an old boyfriend the other day. We had broken up years ago and in the back of my mind,I always wanted him to forever carry a torch for me.He works at Wal-Mart.

Anyway, we had a light conversation in which he told me that he wished he had married me instead of his wife.

Why do people say things like that? Why do people sometimes speak before they think?

I mean, he was a nice guy and all, but he was crazy.
I know what you're thinking,"everybody's crazy". No, I mean certifiable crazy. We'd be out together, walking in the park and having a romantic moment and then, he'd start quacking.

You read right...quacking. Like a big, six foot three duck.Needless to say, it was so not the best of times.

I don't know.I mean, I did want him to still want to be with me, pine over me, stalk me, whatever, but when I found it to be true, I was kind of confused.

I mean why do you say things like that-what's the point? Do you hope that things will go back …

Being a grown-up is too hard

The statement was once made that you don't miss what you had until it's gone; I now know this to be true.
There are so many things I miss about being a kid that I appreciate at 24.

Here's a few things I miss:

I miss being a kid and not having responsibility.
I miss hanging out with friends during the summer all day long and then hearing my mom yell for us to come in when the streetlights came on.
I miss walking home from school on a warm spring day.
I miss running after the ice cream truck and paying with pennies.
I miss naps in the middle of the day.
I miss childhood friends (you know, the friends you had before people became popular, formed cliques, and left you behind).
I miss field trips that lasted most of the day.
I miss recess and trying the swing higher than anyone had ever swung before.
I miss the innocence of not knowing how the world really is.
I miss coming home to my grandma standing in the kitchen over a big pot collard greens.
I miss Valentine D…

Trying too hard

Sometimes I wonder if people who are trying too hard even realize that they're doing it.
You know the type: the people who always attempt to talk to everyone, even when they have nothing to say.The odd thing is that with these people, I've started waiting to see how long it's gonna take before they start a conversation with me. The conversation usually goes like this.

"Have you seen "title"?"
"No,I haven't."
"Well, I heard it was good."
"Oh,okay."
As you can gather from this conversation, I'm big on talking.

All I'm saying is don't try so hard because when you do, everyone knows it.It's like you just shot a flare gun in a church during a prayer.
Yep, it's that obvious.