Friday, January 30, 2004

Is it wrong to want to trade in your father?

I love my parents, I really do. At least I love my mom anyway. When it comes to how I feel about my dad, I don't really care for him at all. It's just that he has this habit of being an extreme pain in the butt and he always struts around acting like he's the best thing since sliced bread when he is not.

Maybe, I should let bygones be bygones. After all, he is my father and I should treat him with the respect that he deserves....okay-even I find this statement hard to believe.I guess in order to be fair to my dad, I should try to forgive him for all the dirt he has done.

I am really mad at him because, for some reason, he feels that he can abandon his duties as a parent for twenty or so years and then come back and everyone should be patting him on the back for deciding to stop by for a while.

I'm not gonna sit here and act like all my problems in life stem from him not being around but I do feel that this is somewhat true. I have abandonment issues when it comes to men in my life. I feel like they're always going to leave me or are thinking about leaving me. That's why I always dump guys before they have the chance to dump me.

Anyway, call me old fashioned if you want but I feel that it is very important for a kid to have both parents around as they grow up. I know what you're thinking, "what it the two people hate each other's guts?" In that case, they can still live apart but strive to make an effort to incorporate themselves in the kid's life. I know, great to say but hard to do,especially when it comes to my dad.

What really upsets me about the whole thing with my dad is that he doesn't care. He was never around, never called, never stuck around, and it hilarious to me that he now has the nerve to try to tell me, my 23 year old brother, and my 21 year old sister what to do. Not to sound really ghetto or nothing but, NIGGA PLEASE!!!

All I ever wanted from him was to be responsible and be a father. I don't need some 50 year old man coming around me getting drunk and acting like some horny teenager,trying to hit on girls my age and younger. I want him stop coming around filling my mom's head with dreams of a reconciliation that will never come true and breaking her heart over and over again.

I want him to grow up and stop acting like an idiot. If he can't do that, I'd rather have him go away and never see him again.

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