Yesterday, I went with my mom to at a funeral home to pay my last repsects to the husband of the piano player for my church. It was strange because this was the first time I've even been to a family hour and I didn't really so know what behaviopr was expected from me.Then again, I never know what to say at those sort of situations;I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing or end up making the grieving person feel worse than they already do.At any rate, I was sitting there with my mom listening to a pastor reminise about "Big Moe" when it hit me: this family really loved this man and he would truly be missed.
As I sat there just pondering this thought, I realized that if my dad died today, I am harboring so much hate in my heart that I wouldn't be sad, I wouldn't cry, hell...I wouldn't probably be glad he's dead."Big Moe", whose name was actually John Moore, was a great guy. He was a man who was devoted to his family and his church and always told people how much he loved the Lord. Even when he lost both his legs, he never complained but instead,this made him even more determined to tell others about how the God impacted his life. When he had to be put on dialysis, he never missed a Sunday at church and talked about how much he loved God and his family.
We sat there for family hour(which was actually 2 hours) and listened to people share their memories of "Big Moe", I thought about my current relationship with my Dad and asked myself am I really that petty that I would continue to dwell on how my dad hurt me in the past? Who am I really hurting, him or me? Why am I choosing to hang on to this pain? I'm planning on calling my dad up and starting the healing process which, according to some, has been long overdue. Although I am giving peace a chance and attempting to improve our relationship,I am not letting him walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, I've already asked my Uncle Mack to do that.