Saturday, September 10, 2005

"Life" after Katrina

Let me start out this entry by saying that I am sorry to everyone whose lives have been effected by Hurrican Katrina.Now notice if you will that I said everyone not those just in New Orleans or Mississippi or Florida but everybody has been affected in some way or another.
For example, although I don't know anyone in any of those areas, my fiance's brother-in-law's (M.) parents live in New Orleans as well as his sister & her family, and his cousin lived in surrounding areas. Needless to say, when Katrina came, his brother-in-law was very worried about the whereabouts of his family.
After a week or so, M. sister got in contact and said that her and her family made it out and they were now in Houston. M.'s cousin was okay and in Atlanta. While we were all glad to hear they were okay, no one had heard anything from M.'s parents.I was really worried about them especially after the photos that are being played daily on TV, I told D. I had a bad feeling they were dead.I don't mean to be negative but even though they had a two story house, I was under the impression that they were porbably either stuck in the attic with no way out or they were stranded on the roof needing help. Eventually, they were found safe and sound in their home with a generator and food. They have since been rescued from New Orleans and are now in South Carolina.
The reason why I feel this is important to mention is because sometimes it take a tradgey to make you realize how precious life is.It also makes me feel ashamed for complaining about what I don't have and things not being my way when there are thousands out there now with nothing except for the clothes on their backs. I especailly feel bad for the kids who have lost thier parents and the elderly who lost all of their posessions. I also feel bad for those that were living on next to nothing prior to the flood and now have absolutely nothing.
Since Katrina, we have patrons coming in daily using our computers and trying to get their lives back together. When I see these people, I don't see victims, I see heroes and surviviors. I don't know how I would cope if I was in that situation. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose everything that I hold dear.I don't know what I would do if in one day, my entire life as I knew it was gone. I just don't understand how something of this magnitude could happen.All I know is that it will take a lot of time to heal and rebuild what has been lost but just the fact that there is a possibly to rebuild should serve as a testament to how strong the human spirit can be when faced with a disaster.

Giving peace a chance-sort of

Yesterday, I went with my mom to at a funeral home to pay my last repsects to the husband of the piano player for my church. It was strange because this was the first time I've even been to a family hour and I didn't really so know what behaviopr was expected from me.Then again, I never know what to say at those sort of situations;I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing or end up making the grieving person feel worse than they already do.At any rate, I was sitting there with my mom listening to a pastor reminise about "Big Moe" when it hit me: this family really loved this man and he would truly be missed.

As I sat there just pondering this thought, I realized that if my dad died today, I am harboring so much hate in my heart that I wouldn't be sad, I wouldn't cry, hell...I wouldn't probably be glad he's dead."Big Moe", whose name was actually John Moore, was a great guy. He was a man who was devoted to his family and his church and always told people how much he loved the Lord. Even when he lost both his legs, he never complained but instead,this made him even more determined to tell others about how the God impacted his life. When he had to be put on dialysis, he never missed a Sunday at church and talked about how much he loved God and his family.

We sat there for family hour(which was actually 2 hours) and listened to people share their memories of "Big Moe", I thought about my current relationship with my Dad and asked myself am I really that petty that I would continue to dwell on how my dad hurt me in the past? Who am I really hurting, him or me? Why am I choosing to hang on to this pain? I'm planning on calling my dad up and starting the healing process which, according to some, has been long overdue. Although I am giving peace a chance and attempting to improve our relationship,I am not letting him walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, I've already asked my Uncle Mack to do that.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Between an apartment and a hot house

Lately, I seem to be having problems between my family and my fiance'. According to my family, I'm never home and I spend way too much time at D.'s apartment. I have been trying to tell D. that I might as well move in since I am over there all the time anyway but he worries that by doing so, my mom will stop paying for my car insurance.

I love my mom to death but, the real reasons why I don't stay at my house is because:
1.There' s nothing to do
2.We have no heat or air and
3.The "bed" I sleep on is very uncomfortable.

When I say there's nothing to do at my house, I mean that all we do is sit around in separate rooms of the house and watch TV. Since we have three TV's, this means that there are three TV's running at the same time and sometimes, we might actully sit at the table and eat dinner together.
In reference to the lack of heat and air conditioning, this is a problem we've had for years. While I've managed to grin and bear it, sometimes you'd like to wake up in the morning and not have sheets sticking to your body or not got to bed in the freezing cold.
The last problem with being home is what I sleep on at night. At this time in my life, I at age 26, sleep on a rollaway bed. This is because our house is small. Our house was made for a family or three or maybe four and had at the most fit seven. Can you blame me for wanting to sleep in an actual bed?
I guess at the end of the day, I just love the privacy and the freedom that I feel when I'm at D.'s apartment. I can watch TV, exercise, go online, do whatever I want to do. The only thing is that I don't know what my family expects from me. When I'm not at the house, they complain that I'm not there and when I do come home, they ask me what I'm doing there. There's no winning with these people!