Monday, April 28, 2008

Fighting my mom's battle

Den has been hanging out with my dad a lot lately and he's told me some very interesting things about me as I baby which I've blocked out. Den think it's weird that I don't remember massive chuncks of my growing up.

At this point, I'm torn about what to do. I've been a solider in a secret war for 29 years; the war between my parents. I've been fighting on my mom's side for so long, I don't know what will happen if I decide to change sides now. I've grown up hearing about what a bum my dad is and how he's no good but all the things that Den has been telling me lately wants me to give him a chance. The only problem is I don't know how....I've never had a touchy feely relationship with my dad and he's a stranger to me.

I've been programmed against my dad for so long, I can't even tell which feelings and opinions are really mine and which ones are things that my mom has taught me to believe. It's awful to think that your mother is evil and is capable of deceit and yet, I can believe it because sometimes mom'll say things that will get under my skin and then she'll act as though she's said nothing at all.

I don't know how to build a relationship from scratch, but I think I may just be willing to try.

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